I’m writing this while laying in bed beside my sweet sleeping baby boy. His little snores like a lullaby! Trying to decompress from the day, face washed, contacts out, messy hair down, and blogging instead of sleeping myself. The other kids are also asleep and husband playing video games while I listen to my little guy’s soft lulls.
It’s moments like this when I can’t help but to look back on where I’ve come and imagine where I might go. In terms of my fitness lifestyle, it use to be nonexistent. I grew up on McDonalds Happy Meals and Pizza Bagel Bites for dinner, cheese sandwiches with Gushers for lunch, and Fudge Cakes and Poptarts for breakfast. My only physical exercise being the occasional bike ride.
I had a bad foundation, no tools to help me develop healthy habits, and never learned things like moderation or self control (as a child I once ate so many french fries at one time that literally made myself sick, throwing up). It led to having a love/hate relationship with food in high school, eating nothing during the day except gum and the occasional meal, then sneaking junk at night after my parents had gone to bed.
I got married at 18 and moved away to start a house of my own. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in a few days, we’ve come a long way! And it’s been FREAKIN HARD to break all of those bad habits I use to have! So hard, in fact, that I had my share of failed attempts at dieting and for a good long while I put my health on the back burner to all my other trillion responsibilities.
What’s so different now?
My main drive is that I’ve faced the fact that if I dont change, I would be teaching my children these same habits. All of the frustration I’ve had, I wouldn’t wish these to become their struggles as well. Plus, I dont want to push my insecurities off onto my little girl. Would I ever accept someone beating her down for how she looks? Of course not! So why then would I do that to myself. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, at 100lbs and 200lbs!
And really, I’m done with the excuses. And laziness. Im tired of the many excuses I use to give myself. I’m frustrated with my old pattern of starting and then stopping. Quitting when things start to get hard. I’m not getting any younger, I feel like I’ve waisted most of my 20’s being so insecure and worrying about what people think.
Of course I get discouraged at times. Like Black Friday shopping this year and not being able to find one cute outfit. I even posted a Facebook pitty party status about it. Well, I can go home, pout that “I’m still fat” and drown my emotions in ice cream. Or I can recognize that I have done an awesome job these past two years, realize that I have farther to go, and let that motivate me to keep at it!
When I’m struggling, pray and ask God for the strength because my drive ultimately comes from Him. I can’t wait to see where that determination will get me! I hope my children can look at me one day and be proud of the example I gave them. And to God’s glory maybe even impact someone else out there who might be struggling too. You’re not alone. I know what it’s like, I’m right here with you ❤