I’m going to tell you a little secret. Are you ready for it? … I want to quit homeschooling.
There. I said it! Yep. True story, that’s my secret. I’ve been thinking it since Christmas break but just too scared to say it out loud. I’m not a quitter. I said we would take it year-by-year but this year is starting to drown me.
I probably should have picked a better time to be contemplating such a big decision. After all, it is 2:30am and my 6 month old has kept me up for the past two hours. (Stupid freaking shots yesterday has his little system all messed up, poor guy!) I’m not exactly thinking very clearly. Ha. While trying to settle the baby down and failing miserably at doing so, I couldn’t help but to think about how much tomorrow is probably going to suck. If it’s anything like tonight and yesterday then I quit at everything. Baby + toddler + 4th grader + all my 50 million responsibilities. I haven’t the strength to do it all! This is nearly impossible.
Thankfully nearly impossible isn’t completely impossible, at least it’s not when you stop trying to do everything in your own strength. Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. I need this on repeat or tattooed across my forehead or maybe both.
I did read a really awesome blog post about quitting.
Apparently I’m not alone. No I don’t really think we will quit tomorrow (this too shall pass) but I do feel better for getting it out there. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be one of those perfect Pinterest moms.
I just needed a pitty party moment. Maybe tomorrow won’t suck as much as I’ve imagined. Or maybe it will! Regardless … But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lam 3:21-24. I know I won’t be alone in whatever the day may bring.
I’ve brought how I feel about quitting to my homeschool co-op. If anyone will “get it” it’ll be those moms! Maybe after hearing their wise words I can get a better perspective. More importantly, I’ve prayed about what to do but don’t have peace about stopping. For now it just feels like that decision would be me giving up when it’s getting hard.
And although I bet I’ll regret my whining session in the morning, I’m going to publish this post. Hopefully I can come back and write about finding assurance to continue trudging forward…