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Where Have I Been?

Where have I been? That is¬†a good question. Ive been around, doing a little bit of everything. Not quite doing enough in terms of trying to lose weight and live a healthy, plant based life. Which was the whole point of this blog anyways. What happened? Well there is some bit of juicy gossip behind THAT story but thats for another day. I will say that my past crept up to bite me in the butt and instead of handling it, dealing and moving through the pain, I fell back into my trusty old habits. Yummy habits … but the results didnt get me what I really wanted, they just got me comfort. Stop putting in the work and run to be comforted by the things of the world. Id like to break that. And I know Im not the only one.

So here I am, Weigh in Wednesday at 224.8. Ill be starting WiW back up because having accountability was so effective. Some of the other things I was doing since I last blogged, however, have changed. (Im no longer a BeachBody coach.) But YES I am still a vegetarian. ūüėČ Always.

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I was reading Hebrews 4 this morning.

Heb 14-16 … Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are,yet without sin.
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 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Amen!

Which is better in the long run?

Last week’s blog I detailed how this school year is going to go, with respect to starting our mornings off right; bible reading, memory verse, and praying. I was going to talk first about the new verse for this week but then something just happened and I feel kinda crappy.

The big kid and I just finished¬†rough housing and I started to walk away, he called my name and as I turned around he threw one of the toddler’s stuffed animals at me. Hard. The thing hit me right in the face and it hurt. My reaction was to yell at him, “That is enough! I did not find that funny. Go upstairs now!”¬†His expression went from a goofy playful smile to a hurt sad frown. I’m not sure who was more offended, me for getting him or him for getting yelled at. Although if I had to guess, it would not be me. Mama fail!

Seems like when I’m¬†being patient and kind, it takes me¬†repeating myself¬†several times for the kid to get what I’m¬†saying and do it but when I¬†lose my¬†temper and yell, they know mama isnt playing so you’d better listen. But which is better in the long run? … My kid having hurt feelings because I failed to control my temper is not the way I want to go. Which is why I need these weekly bible memory verses and daily readings just as much, if not more, then they do.¬†What was that again about being slow to anger? (I guess I know what verse I should memorize for next week!)

Week 2’s verses.

Bible memory week 2

Mine
Prov 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;¬†but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

The big kid
Psalm 66:20 “Praise be to God,¬†who has not rejected my prayer¬†or withheld his love from me!”

The toddler
Prov 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart”

Here is the blog post for last week. Admittedly, Bethany got hers down¬†the very first day while George and I took a little longer to get it. I was so proud of both of them though, they worked hard to learn them and enjoyed quizzing each other. The sweetest part was how¬†one of the days I woke up late (because the baby had a rough night) and I came downstairs, the big kid said they already went over their verses and read together. For them to grow up and get into the habit of choosing for themselves to start off their mornings this way would amazing! This mama’s answer to prayer.

Prov 31

Why dont you act?

Its a pretty simple question, why dont I act? When faced with choosing something that is good for me I tend to try and talk myself out of doing it! Ill come up with a list of excuses, tasks to do instead, or reasons why it wont matter if I simply dont act. How many times have I woken up in the morning and faced tasks that I should do (eating a healthy breakfast, working out, doing some kind of a chore -laundry ugh-, or even spending time with my Lord in prayer and scripture reading) and instead of doing them, I simply dont. Ill talk myself out of it and choose to other things. (Netflix marathon of The Walking Dead, yes please!)

This past Friday the family and I were driving back from our vacation in Florida back to our home in South Carolina, we stopped in Walmart to stretch our legs and grab a few snacks for the road. We all split off and headed in different directions to go find what we wanted (no worries, the hubby had the little kiddies with him), when we met back up I somehow managed to have a package of Reese’s Cups in hand. (Um, Im not quite sure how they jumped off the shelf and into my hand, but they sure did!)

My hubby and I got to talking about how impulsive I can be. I have no problem grabbing a candy bar from the check out counter, its an impulsive move and almost an automatic move for me. (Stupid grocery stores and their junk food traps!!!) We get to the check out and I start scanning the chocolate to see if theres something I want. I know I struggle with making not so good impulsive choices but when it comes to the good ones, I can talk myself out of doing them without any problem.

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Recognizing that this is an area where I struggle has helped me make baby steps, I know its a problem and I know I can work at fixing it. Its like when exercising a muscle, the more you target that area the stronger it’ll become. The more you replace bad habits with healthier ones, the more automatic they will become! You wont have to talk yourself into things like eating good food,¬†working out, being productive, praying and reading your bible … because itll become like second nature. Be more impulsive with healthy choices.

What was my why again?

The baby just woke¬†up from his nap, in my arms, so forgive me for any errors. Typing with a wiggly 8 month in your arms isn‚Äôt exactly an easy task however,¬†I had something on my mind and decided Id better type it down before I talk myself out of¬†typing this. Its not an easy thing to talk about but I know if Im struggling, someone else is too so maybe this is something you need to hear as well…

Going from someone who never exercised or wasn‚Äôt concerned with what food I was putting into my body ‚Äď to someone who is really active and now refuses to eat meat, even Im amazed at the changes Ive seen. I feel more confident and stronger! Im ready to kick each day‚Äôs butt. But then when life throws a curve ball, its humbling and reminds me of why I even started this process. My family! I want to be able to give 100% of myself to my family, to be an active part of my children‚Äôs lives, and to live a long life with my husband. And simply put, I cant do that if I don‚Äôt take care of myself.

This all smacked me in the face over the weekend. I got a phone call on Saturday night: my beloved mama is in the ER, she is having stomach pains, something about her colon dying, and shes going to have emergency surgery. The exact details of the situation then were fuzzy but we knew it was serous. Um, what? What did you just say?! My mother? No, it cant be.. my mama is super woman. Shes like the Energy Bunny + Martha Stewart. She goes constantly, her house is immaculate, she takes care of everyone, never stops and multi-tasks like a pro, and whenever she does get sick- you still cant knock her down. This woman has gone through so much in her life and she just picks herself up and keeps going. She started her Saturday with some shopping at Kohls and she ended her Saturday with having some 11 inches of her colon removed.

Visiting her in the hospital, seeing her laying in the bed after such an invasive emergency surgery, hardest thing in my life that Ive had to do. Hands down. Shes so strong but to see her so weak, it was heartbreaking. And to hear how serious the situation was, if she had not gotten to the hospital for them to do the surgery in time and her colon ruptured, she would have died. My mom has always been pretty healthy but if circumstances were different, she might not be here with us.

My family has been blessed, in that my mom is doing fantastic! Her recovery is going slow but shes doing such a good job, even the nurses have commented about how great of a patient she’s been. Which is not unexpected news because she will not let this get her down, I told her I bet she will be running laps around the hospital! My mom makes emergency surgery look like a piece of cake. God is good and He most definitely answered our prayers.

Im the first to admit that I have not always been health conscious. My young adult life was spent figuring out this marriage, college, and mom¬†thing so taking care of myself was not important to me, at all. Ive shared before ‚Ķ the result of those decisions landed me with my priorities out of whack, pretty unhappy about myself, and according to that stupid BMI chart, in the ‚Äúobese‚ÄĚ weight range (omgosh, I hate admitting that- but its true). I finally got to the point where the Lord showed me, ‚ÄúHello..you cant continue like this!‚ÄĚ So ever since summer of 2013 when I cut meat out of my diet, Ive determined to do something about it.

It sounds kind of trite to say but on Saturday I was hit right in the face with how important my health really is, a needed reminder of why I started this process. To be there for my family. Change is never easy, nor is it quick. Sometimes there are challenges you have to face or you might get a little off track. Such a decision requires you to totally change your way of thinking, your relationship with foods, your way of living, and you reevaluate your priorities. But keeping your focus and remembering your why will help you succeed. To be there completely for my family, yeah, Id say this change is totally worth it.

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Amen!

Any energy left?

Yesterday it was beautiful outside so I hollered for my son to go throw on some warm clothes because we were going to go for a run. I was in need of some time in the sunshine and he absolutely loves running.

If you ever need some extra encouragement or a cheerleader, grab a kid. Hahaha. Especially a boy, they love competition. When I got tired and wanted to stop running he dared me that I couldn’t make it all the way to the end of the street. Oh yeah!? Watch this! And when I wanted to make my way back home he kept pushing to run a bit longer. Boys, they have energy for days!

After our run he still wanted some outside time, except that he wanted me to play with him. Me. His boring ole mom. Of course I’m not going to let him know that I’m freakin tired from running 30 mins and just want to craw into the shower. Nope. I’m going to suck it up and play with my kid! (Who is all too quickly growing up, turning into a pretty awesome young man!)

So he and I spent a good 30 minutes playing soccer… Until he turned it into a game of, let’s kick the ball out of mama’s reach and yell at her to go run after it. (More running!? No thank you.)

I have to admit that I had a pretty wonderful time with my kid! I’m definitely not cut out to be a long distance runner or a professional sports star. But it was fun. When you’re doing something you love then it’s not work.

The best part wasn’t burning calories, it was spending quality, one-on-one time with my eldest child. When my son wanted to hang out with me, doing something he loves, I was able to do it! I might not have been awesome at it but he did not care one bit. I’m sure there will come a time when my kid doesn’t want mama giving him hugs in public. Or will shut himself up in his room instead of always being right up under my feet. Would rather talk to some pretty little girl then talk to his mom. Or when going outside to play with me sounds like torture. Ha! But for now… I’m it! I’m finally able to say yes to playing outside, running my butt off for an hour.

“Getting healthy” is so much more then just a number on a scale, or what I look like, or what size clothes I wear. It’s about finally being able to enjoy life with the people I love.

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Can I quit?

I’m going to tell you a little secret. Are you ready for it? … I want to quit homeschooling.

There. I said it! Yep. True story, that’s my secret. I’ve been thinking it since Christmas break but just too scared to say it out loud. I’m not a quitter. I said we would take it year-by-year but this year is starting to drown me.

I probably should have picked a better time to be contemplating such a big decision. After all, it is 2:30am and my 6 month old has kept me up for the past two hours. (Stupid freaking shots yesterday has his little system all messed up, poor guy!) I’m not exactly thinking very clearly. Ha. While trying to settle the baby down and failing miserably at doing so, I couldn’t help but to think about how much tomorrow is probably going to suck. If it’s anything like tonight and yesterday then I quit at everything. Baby + toddler + 4th grader + all my 50 million responsibilities. I haven’t the strength to do it all! This is nearly impossible.

Thankfully nearly impossible isn’t completely impossible, at least it’s not when you stop trying to do everything in your own strength. Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. I need this on repeat or tattooed across my forehead or maybe both.

I did read a really awesome blog post about quitting.

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Apparently I’m not alone. No I don’t really think we will quit tomorrow (this too shall pass) but I do feel better for getting it out there. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be one of those perfect Pinterest moms.

I just needed a pitty party moment. Maybe tomorrow won’t suck as much as I’ve imagined. Or maybe it will! Regardless … But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‚ÄúThe Lord is my portion,‚ÄĚ says my soul, ‚Äútherefore I will hope in him.‚ÄĚ Lam 3:21-24. I know I won’t be alone in whatever the day may bring.

I’ve brought how I feel about quitting to my homeschool co-op. If anyone will “get it” it’ll be those moms! Maybe after hearing their wise words I can get a better perspective. More importantly, I’ve prayed about what to do but don’t have peace about stopping. For now it just feels like that decision would be me giving up when it’s getting hard.

And although I bet I’ll regret my whining session in the morning, I’m going to publish this post. Hopefully I can come back and write about finding assurance to continue trudging forward…

Why waste such a gift?

Ive missed yall! I took a little time off for Christmas break to visit with family and friends. The kids got ridiculously spoiled with tv, late bed times, sweets, and unlimited attention. I admit I enjoyed the unlimited babysitters! And I might have also indulged a bit on christmas treats. But seeing as how tomorrow is Weigh in Wednesday, Ill save those details for then.

Christmas is always a special time for us. Remembering the people weve lost and how we all use to spend our Christmas’ together. In particular … remembering the traditions we had with my brother and his wife, who both died from cancer some 16 years apart from each other. My sister in law would make this delish pumpkin roll for a dessert. You can buy it in grocery stores but theres nothing like homemade pumpkin rolls! And my brother who always brought my parents a huge real Christmas tree. ¬†We havent had a live tree since the last one he brought us.

I dont know, I think going through loss at a young age shapes the way you look at things, or at least, it did me. My brother was this huge teddy bear of a guy that lost his fight with melanoma Super Bowl Sunday when I was in the 6th grade. I watched cancer destroy my brother, until he was too weak to even move .. and my mom had to crush up his pain pills & add¬†water in order to feed it to him using a baby’s medicine dropper. Seeing this strong, healthy guy brought low by cancer .. although I kick myself for wasting so much time in my 20’s from unhealthy habits, at least Ive finally come to a point where I refuse to live¬†like that anymore. Why waste such a gift!

This year the kids’ gifts from us were bikes! My toddler¬†got her first (Frozen) bike and the big kid got a super cool mountain bike. Watching their reactions to their surprise was priceless! My husband had to take a little time teaching the toddler how to ride it but when she finally got it, she really got it:¬†“See you slow pokes later!” as she rode off to try and catch up with her big brother. It was so sweet. And now! Now I will be able to keep up with my kids as we all go outside to play. I wont be that mom sitting on the couch, too out of shape to join my kids. Note: you will not catch my butt on a bike! Rather, Ill be running with them. And that is the best gift I could have!

And for a little happiness, showing off their new rides..


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