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Posts tagged ‘bible verse’

Which is better in the long run?

Last week’s blog I detailed how this school year is going to go, with respect to starting our mornings off right; bible reading, memory verse, and praying. I was going to talk first about the new verse for this week but then something just happened and I feel kinda crappy.

The big kid and I just finished rough housing and I started to walk away, he called my name and as I turned around he threw one of the toddler’s stuffed animals at me. Hard. The thing hit me right in the face and it hurt. My reaction was to yell at him, “That is enough! I did not find that funny. Go upstairs now!” His expression went from a goofy playful smile to a hurt sad frown. I’m not sure who was more offended, me for getting him or him for getting yelled at. Although if I had to guess, it would not be me. Mama fail!

Seems like when I’m being patient and kind, it takes me repeating myself several times for the kid to get what I’m saying and do it but when I lose my temper and yell, they know mama isnt playing so you’d better listen. But which is better in the long run? … My kid having hurt feelings because I failed to control my temper is not the way I want to go. Which is why I need these weekly bible memory verses and daily readings just as much, if not more, then they do. What was that again about being slow to anger? (I guess I know what verse I should memorize for next week!)

Week 2’s verses.

Bible memory week 2

Mine
Prov 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

The big kid
Psalm 66:20 “Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!”

The toddler
Prov 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart”

Here is the blog post for last week. Admittedly, Bethany got hers down the very first day while George and I took a little longer to get it. I was so proud of both of them though, they worked hard to learn them and enjoyed quizzing each other. The sweetest part was how one of the days I woke up late (because the baby had a rough night) and I came downstairs, the big kid said they already went over their verses and read together. For them to grow up and get into the habit of choosing for themselves to start off their mornings this way would amazing! This mama’s answer to prayer.

Prov 31

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How do you handle hardships?

I know it might sound crazy but I actually have some free time! The hubby took 2/3 of the children to the gym, while the I stayed at home with our napping baby. Honestly I was not feeling like being too productive today! I just spent the past 20 mins coloring. Yes thats right, coloring. Sure there are 50 million other things I could be doing right now but I am choosing to have productive-less free time. (And it feels good!) Im a little apprehensive for this particular post but something is bothering me, and on my mind and I feel this push to put it out there. (Lord, is that you?) It is friday night, after all, so Im betting most people are busy and this wont be read by a lot of people (wishful thinking?).

Earlier this afternoon I had an appointment at the eye doctor where I was examined to determine if I am a candidate for the LASIK procedure. This is something Ive wanted to do for over 10 years now but I had to wait until my vision had stabilized and for me to not be pregnant! Lol. Im hopeful that now is my time because I am blind, my contact rx is -7.5 so pretty much, without correction I see nothing. Everything is fuzzy.

So the point of this post… while the doctor was examining my left eye he noticed that there is a scar. He questioned me to try and figure out where it might have come from: Had ever had an infection. Nope. Had I ever been in an accident? Nope. Had I ever had surgery? Nope. Had my husband ever given me a black eye? (Juuuust kidding!) Nope! … Had I ever had trauma to the eye? … Well that is the question I could not answer and the source of my uneasiness.

I remember very little about my life before 6th grade. I try but it just does not come easy, its mostly snippets like in a photograph. Bits of information that I feel is real but I cant quite say for certain. Ever find yourself in a conversation and in mid-sentence, you forget a word? The word is on the tip of your tongue but you just cant think of it…  Its there – but not there. Thats what my childhood memories are like. Everything is fuzzy.

The trauma that occurred to my eye, the scar that might prevent me from getting this corrective vision procedure that Ive been wanting since I was 18, more then likely was caused sometime during that fuzzy time. For when I was a baby through my early childhood I was abused by my biological mother. Soon after I was born my biological father left and I was in her care, she was a dangerous woman and had no motherly bone in her body. Im not
really sure why or how someone could show anything except love to their child but she did not; I was exposed to physical harm and was abandoned. Thankfully my grandparents (her parents) were aware of her treatment and I came to live with them at 16 months old. My parents did everything they legally could to protect me but she was granted visitation during the weekends; knowing that she would more then likely hurt me in some way they had no choice but to abide by the court and let me go. Finally after -years- of hard evidence from the abuse/mistreatment and from the recommendation of my guardian ad litem, the courts took her rights away and legally stripped her from being my mother! Safe at last, my parents changed my last name and we moved away.

I know the details of what happened only from the memories of my parents and family members who also fought for my well being. I think its for the best that I do not remember most of my childhood and now I don’t really think about my past at all, I prefer the fuzzy memories over the alternative. Today though, it was all thrown into my face.

I was definitely shaken today, I wasn’t expecting to hear that I potentially wouldn’t be able to get LASIK because of the trauma suffered when I was a child. I was upset over the news I got and automatically wanted to vent about it, I came home and tried talking to my hubby but afterwards I still didn’t feel any better. It wasn’t until I realized, wait a minute I haven’t even prayed about this! and actually did pray that I was able to gain the right perspective. We all go through difficult circumstances, we have struggles and hardships. Hopefully we are able to overcome them and move past but even then, they can still creep back up into your life. What’s important is how you deal; Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Lord promises us that He will be our source of comfort, encouragement, and heal our broken hearts.

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Can I quit?

I’m going to tell you a little secret. Are you ready for it? … I want to quit homeschooling.

There. I said it! Yep. True story, that’s my secret. I’ve been thinking it since Christmas break but just too scared to say it out loud. I’m not a quitter. I said we would take it year-by-year but this year is starting to drown me.

I probably should have picked a better time to be contemplating such a big decision. After all, it is 2:30am and my 6 month old has kept me up for the past two hours. (Stupid freaking shots yesterday has his little system all messed up, poor guy!) I’m not exactly thinking very clearly. Ha. While trying to settle the baby down and failing miserably at doing so, I couldn’t help but to think about how much tomorrow is probably going to suck. If it’s anything like tonight and yesterday then I quit at everything. Baby + toddler + 4th grader + all my 50 million responsibilities. I haven’t the strength to do it all! This is nearly impossible.

Thankfully nearly impossible isn’t completely impossible, at least it’s not when you stop trying to do everything in your own strength. Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. I need this on repeat or tattooed across my forehead or maybe both.

I did read a really awesome blog post about quitting.

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Apparently I’m not alone. No I don’t really think we will quit tomorrow (this too shall pass) but I do feel better for getting it out there. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be one of those perfect Pinterest moms.

I just needed a pitty party moment. Maybe tomorrow won’t suck as much as I’ve imagined. Or maybe it will! Regardless … But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lam 3:21-24. I know I won’t be alone in whatever the day may bring.

I’ve brought how I feel about quitting to my homeschool co-op. If anyone will “get it” it’ll be those moms! Maybe after hearing their wise words I can get a better perspective. More importantly, I’ve prayed about what to do but don’t have peace about stopping. For now it just feels like that decision would be me giving up when it’s getting hard.

And although I bet I’ll regret my whining session in the morning, I’m going to publish this post. Hopefully I can come back and write about finding assurance to continue trudging forward…

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