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Posts tagged ‘cancer’

Why waste such a gift?

Ive missed yall! I took a little time off for Christmas break to visit with family and friends. The kids got ridiculously spoiled with tv, late bed times, sweets, and unlimited attention. I admit I enjoyed the unlimited babysitters! And I might have also indulged a bit on christmas treats. But seeing as how tomorrow is Weigh in Wednesday, Ill save those details for then.

Christmas is always a special time for us. Remembering the people weve lost and how we all use to spend our Christmas’ together. In particular … remembering the traditions we had with my brother and his wife, who both died from cancer some 16 years apart from each other. My sister in law would make this delish pumpkin roll for a dessert. You can buy it in grocery stores but theres nothing like homemade pumpkin rolls! And my brother who always brought my parents a huge real Christmas tree.  We havent had a live tree since the last one he brought us.

I dont know, I think going through loss at a young age shapes the way you look at things, or at least, it did me. My brother was this huge teddy bear of a guy that lost his fight with melanoma Super Bowl Sunday when I was in the 6th grade. I watched cancer destroy my brother, until he was too weak to even move .. and my mom had to crush up his pain pills & add water in order to feed it to him using a baby’s medicine dropper. Seeing this strong, healthy guy brought low by cancer .. although I kick myself for wasting so much time in my 20’s from unhealthy habits, at least Ive finally come to a point where I refuse to live like that anymore. Why waste such a gift!

This year the kids’ gifts from us were bikes! My toddler got her first (Frozen) bike and the big kid got a super cool mountain bike. Watching their reactions to their surprise was priceless! My husband had to take a little time teaching the toddler how to ride it but when she finally got it, she really got it: “See you slow pokes later!” as she rode off to try and catch up with her big brother. It was so sweet. And now! Now I will be able to keep up with my kids as we all go outside to play. I wont be that mom sitting on the couch, too out of shape to join my kids. Note: you will not catch my butt on a bike! Rather, Ill be running with them. And that is the best gift I could have!

And for a little happiness, showing off their new rides..


bikes1

bikes2

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Do You Know What Time It Is? Wk 3

Is Weigh in Wednesday time! Week 3. [My weight stats are at the bottom of the page.]

Im sitting here, trying to come up with something to say, only drawing a blank. Today’s blog post is suppose to be about my weight loss this past week but that feels so trivial at the moment. Im not really in the mood to try and come up with some fluffy post about my weight so if that was what you were hoping for you’ll have to come back for next week’s WIW.

You see, today marks the year ‘anniversary’ of my brother’s wife’s passing. Ellen fought a battle with breast cancer and she did not survive. For whatever reason, the Lord called her home to Him and to my brother. My brother, Ronnie, also lost a battle with cancer (melanoma) 14 years ago. They leave behind a beautiful and strong 16 year old daughter.

What do ‘they’ say are the “5 Stages of Loss”… Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Yep! Ive had all of those. Whoever came up with that model should have also added Numb-ness (is that a word?). Thats sort of where I am right now. It feels …unreal… to say that both my brother and his wife died of cancer. 14-ish years apart. They both fought their own battles but it was so eerie to witness Ellen try to fight; talk about deja vu, it brought back all those memories from when Ronnie was sick.

One difference between Ronnie’s sickness and Ellen’s sickness is that I watched Ronnie through the eyes of a child (I was only 10). Processing all of that ^^ is so hard to do as a child. Death is not one of those things kids think about. And really, its not something they should be concerned with. Children should look at the world through innocent and curious eyes. Being faced with the fact that your older brother, whom ardors you and you them, will die kind of shatters that childlike perspective on things. No wonder why I was a chubby kid, eh?

The other difference, the bigger one, is that at the age of 18 I accepted the Lord as my Savor. Seeing their passing with a biblical perspective is the only way Im able to deal. Ronnie and Ellen also placed their faith in Jesus and are worshiping God right now. Oh what a glorious reunion it will be when I get to see them again! I still miss them. Im sad that they never got to meet my baby. Ronnie wasnt there at my college graduation, didnt see me get married, couldnt meet my children. But Im also comforted …the bible is full of God’s promises… Im grasping onto Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Matthew 5:4

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Weight Loss This Week: 3lbs
 Total Loss: 17lbs

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