New Blog, New Me

Posts tagged ‘God’

What else is there?

I had a scary thought .. my kids are going to grow up and leave me! Lol. Which some moms may celebrate but I’ve been a mom since I was 18. I dont really know what else to do with myself. I keep thinking that in 9 years, my oldest will be the age I was when I got married, moved away, and became a parent. Gah!

After they leave me, what’s next? What am I suppose to do with all that new free time!? Stalk my kids and make sure they arnt getting into trouble? (Nooo, I’d never.) I guess I’ll have to figure out what my life is going to be like when I’m not constantly taking care of someone. What else is there, outside of being a mom? I will always be their mother but what will I do with myself when they grow up and don’t need my undivided attention? When they don’t need me to strap them into a car seat. (I cannot wait to burn the last car seat!) They stop wanting to be tucked in bed. Don’t follow me around the house. Or they don’t need me to constantly remind them to finish their dinner. Lord help us when they are old enough to drive!

I guess I’m realizing there’s more to life then being a mom and trying to figure out where I fit into it all. Aside from being a wife and a mom, what is there? (Is there such a thing as empty nest syndrome, before your kids actually leave the nest!? Lol.) I know the Lord has blessed me with having a heart for others.. something my wonderful mama passed onto me (she’s the definition of selfless).. God¬†has presented me with an awesome opportunity to use my gifts and knowledge to uplift others. But honestly, I’m a little nervous. Fear of failure or of the unknown, along with self doubt, are huge motivators that keep people from presuing their dreams.

IMG_8131

There are plenty of examples in the bible of people who were called to a specific task but they doubted that they were the right person for the job. God didn’t expect them to be perfect. He didn’t require from them that they had all the answers or that they never made a mistake along the way. He simply gave them what they needed, to do what He called them to do. The Lord doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called! He does require that we follow after Him. And then He promises that He will lead us.

Replacing old crappy habits with new ones, changing your lifestyle. Getting healthy and from that process losing weight, & getting that sexy body you’ve always wanted. ūüėČ Setting obtainable goals and killing it to get there. All while maintaining your sanity with all the billion responsibilities of a mom. None of that stuff is easy! But. It can be done! It’s not impossible. While I’m presented with the eventuality of my kids growing up and leaving, that’s what has been placed on my heart… To help others get to that place too!

And let me tell you, it’s kind of a refreshing & freeing feeling, to finally know what you’re suppose to be doing. WOOP woop!

Do You Know What Time It Is? Wk 3

Is Weigh in Wednesday time! Week 3. [My weight stats are at the bottom of the page.]

Im sitting here, trying to come up with something to say, only drawing a blank. Today’s blog post is suppose¬†to be about my weight loss this past week but¬†that feels so trivial at the moment. Im¬†not really in the mood to try and¬†come up with some fluffy post about my weight so if that was what you were hoping for you’ll have to come back for next week’s WIW.

You see, today marks the year ‘anniversary’ of my brother’s wife’s passing. Ellen fought a battle with breast cancer and she did not survive. For whatever reason, the Lord called her home to Him and to my brother. My brother, Ronnie, also lost a battle with cancer (melanoma) 14 years ago. They leave behind a beautiful and strong 16 year old daughter.

What do ‘they’ say are the “5 Stages of Loss”… Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Yep! Ive¬†had all of those. Whoever came up with that model should have also added Numb-ness (is that a word?). Thats¬†sort of where I am right now. It feels …unreal… to say that both my brother and his wife died of cancer. 14-ish years apart. They both fought their own battles but it was so eerie to witness Ellen try to fight; talk about deja vu, it brought back all those memories from when Ronnie was sick.

One difference between¬†Ronnie’s sickness and Ellen’s sickness¬†is that I watched Ronnie through the eyes of a child (I was only 10). Processing all of that ^^ is so hard to do as a child. Death is not one of those things kids think about. And really, its not¬†something they should be concerned with. Children should¬†look at the world through innocent and curious eyes. Being faced with the fact that your older brother, whom ardors you and you them, will¬†die kind of shatters¬†that childlike perspective on things. No wonder why I was a chubby kid, eh?

The other difference, the bigger one, is that at the age of 18 I accepted the Lord as my Savor. Seeing their passing with a biblical perspective is the only way Im¬†able to deal. Ronnie and Ellen also placed their faith in Jesus and are worshiping¬†God right now. Oh what a glorious reunion it will be when I get to see them again! I still miss them. Im¬†sad that they never got to meet my baby. Ronnie¬†wasnt there at my college graduation, didnt¬†see me get married, couldnt¬†meet my children. But Im¬†also comforted¬†…the bible is full of God’s promises… Im grasping onto Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Matthew 5:4

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Weight Loss This Week: 3lbs
 Total Loss: 17lbs

Where Were You? Where Was God?

Today is September the 11th.

Remember

Remember

It didnt¬†even occur to me that 9/11 was coming up until 2 days ago! :/ I was going to write a ‘fluffy’ post but it doesnt¬†feel appropriate. I wonder how many other bloggers are also talking about this anniversary. Im sure nothing I have to say is new.. but I also wanted to join in and grieve the deaths of the thousands that died, the many that were injured, and the millions that were affected.

I remember that day pretty clearly. I was a sophomore in high school. I was changing classes and I remember walking past some classrooms with the TVs on, which was unusual, so I was trying to figure out what was going on. When¬†I¬†made it to my room the rest of the students were buzzing around, talking about the first plane crash. We were all still trying to figure out what was going on. My initial reaction was that this was some kind of joke, I didnt really understand. For the rest of the day my school sat glued to the tv sets. We watched as the 2nd plane hit. We watched as the buildings fell. Heard reports of the other plane crashes. It was if … we all were watching some Hollywood movie. I remember lunch time in the cafeteria was eerie quite. And then it was time for school to be let out. Time to go home. Home to what…? To the place where I was suppose to¬†feel most safe and secure. My home was filled with images of burning rubble, people screaming, fire, people jumping from the towers, news anchors crying… For the days to come, I remember seeing Ground Zero being filled with rescue workers and all other¬†kinds of people¬†trying to help out. I had this overwhelming urge to help. But what could I do? I was just a kid. Having that feeling of hopelessness was so unsettling. I dont¬†think Ill ever forget that feeling.

Last year for the 10th anniversary my son’s school did this memorial. Where the parents wrote about their experiences during that day and then the teachers placed the accounts up as a kind of memorial. George was 6. How do you explain to a 6 year old¬†that there are people in the world who have so much hatred in their hearts that they want to end the lives of others. That those people believe their ‘god’ will bless them for killing others who do not hold the same beliefs as them. The husband and I youtubed clips that we thought were age appropriate and showed them to George. But even then, our child has such a tender heart and sweet spirit, even then I do not think he was able to wrap his mind around the acts of those people.

Then that leads to questions like, how could God let those people crash the planes? Why would God let something like that happen? Woah! Thats an even more difficult thing to try and explain. Im not sure Im eloquent enough to come up with some long, theological response. To put it simply, God permitted it to happen because it was His will. Why ..exactly..? I dont know. But, I do know that I place my faith in Him so that means accepting His word as Truth, even when I dont fully understand.

God Was There!

God Was There!

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Please, Watch!!
In My Seat
September 10, 2001, First Officer Steve Scheibner packed his suitcase and waited for the phone call finalizing his assignment to fly American Airlines Flight 11, from Boston to Los Angeles. The call never came. In My Seat recounts the events leading up to Flight 11 and the subsequent death of Tom McGuinness in the seat that should have been filled by Steve Scheibner.
http://youtu.be/cLj4akmncsA

 

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