New Blog, New Me

Posts tagged ‘hope’

Do You Know What Time It Is? Wk 3

Is Weigh in Wednesday time! Week 3. [My weight stats are at the bottom of the page.]

Im sitting here, trying to come up with something to say, only drawing a blank. Today’s blog post is suppose to be about my weight loss this past week but that feels so trivial at the moment. Im not really in the mood to try and come up with some fluffy post about my weight so if that was what you were hoping for you’ll have to come back for next week’s WIW.

You see, today marks the year ‘anniversary’ of my brother’s wife’s passing. Ellen fought a battle with breast cancer and she did not survive. For whatever reason, the Lord called her home to Him and to my brother. My brother, Ronnie, also lost a battle with cancer (melanoma) 14 years ago. They leave behind a beautiful and strong 16 year old daughter.

What do ‘they’ say are the “5 Stages of Loss”… Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Yep! Ive had all of those. Whoever came up with that model should have also added Numb-ness (is that a word?). Thats sort of where I am right now. It feels …unreal… to say that both my brother and his wife died of cancer. 14-ish years apart. They both fought their own battles but it was so eerie to witness Ellen try to fight; talk about deja vu, it brought back all those memories from when Ronnie was sick.

One difference between Ronnie’s sickness and Ellen’s sickness is that I watched Ronnie through the eyes of a child (I was only 10). Processing all of that ^^ is so hard to do as a child. Death is not one of those things kids think about. And really, its not something they should be concerned with. Children should look at the world through innocent and curious eyes. Being faced with the fact that your older brother, whom ardors you and you them, will die kind of shatters that childlike perspective on things. No wonder why I was a chubby kid, eh?

The other difference, the bigger one, is that at the age of 18 I accepted the Lord as my Savor. Seeing their passing with a biblical perspective is the only way Im able to deal. Ronnie and Ellen also placed their faith in Jesus and are worshiping God right now. Oh what a glorious reunion it will be when I get to see them again! I still miss them. Im sad that they never got to meet my baby. Ronnie wasnt there at my college graduation, didnt see me get married, couldnt meet my children. But Im also comforted …the bible is full of God’s promises… Im grasping onto Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Matthew 5:4

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Weight Loss This Week: 3lbs
 Total Loss: 17lbs
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